Have you ever had an embarrassing masturbation session, I mean one that was unplanned and regrettable?  How does yours compare to Jezebel’s 10 Worst Masturbation Stories?

Sally Draper from Mad Men inspired the phrase, “A Sally Draper Moment.”

Excerpt:

KEN

This is mortifying. I still shiver and block it out when the memory arises: I tended to use whatever was available at the age of 16; in my case, my little sister’s ken doll was just the right size. Being widely uneducated about how it all worked down there at that point, I would just sit on it and rock.

Well, we all know how easily those ken heads popped off…. yep. Into the the vajayjay. The problem was, I could not get it out myself. I flipped completely out, thoughts of it going up into my uterus and damaging my internal organs (again, not properly educated!) flying through my panic-induced brain.

This was my response to a question on switching roles during a scene on MyDungeonSpace.

Your question infers there might be an imbalance in the power dynamics within the person switching. That is something to consider.  In my opinion, staying in one role in a play session allows for coping with only one set of feelings. Having been in the unique position of being on both sides of the paddle, I found it less confusing to give up one side in order to enjoy the other and prefer doing that as a matter-of-course.

Having observed switches topping and bottoming in a short time-frame, say within the same scene, I concluded it was not easy for them to switch roles.  Partly because once they switched from top to bottom, they were perceived as bottoms beyond play and beyond the scene.   Secondly, there was an internal struggle on whether to give in to that desire or hold back.  More often than not, the dominant type switches remained in control of themselves while submitting. i.e. not fully submitting.

This my friends, is what I call the Switches’ Dilemma.

Word to the wise pussies – watch out for guys with new haircuts drinking jaegerbombers.

Acid Test for Dominants

Over at MyDungeonSpace, we see posts and blogs from newbie subs who want to know how to protect themselves when seeking out a Dominant. Often times, they are exposed to D/s online.

Acid Tests for Dominants. Copyright DrSpankenstein. All rights reserved.

Reprinted as a public service from “Submission and Coffee” BDSM podcast, with permission.

Podcast of Dollie reading The Acid test.

There are plenty of points to discuss in this article.

Basically, “it’s a good  common sense piece of writing,” as one of our frequent posters said before she disagreed with one of the caveats.

Part of my charm as a sadist is to do the unexpected.  So I LOOK for the unexpected.

The Tezzel™, a flogger disguised as a skin sweeper, is primarily designed for teasing and sensation play.  Each Tezzel™ is handmade in the USA and unique.  The luxurious tassels have a nice weight to them and can be silky soft or more textural for those that like rough things on their skin.  It’s also pretty enough to fit into your decor.  I don’t know about you, but I’ve forgotten to put away toys and had unexpected visitors.

I used this Tezzel™ on two people.

As you can see from the photo, the tassels are made of hemp rope cinched with black leather.  The wooden handle has a perfect grip.  The working end of the Tezzel™  is firm and comfortable to throw.

The first person got goosebumps all over her body as the scratchy ends swept across it.  The skin reddened within a few short minutes.  She squealed and arched her back when I swung the Tezzel™ harder for a change of pace.  

The second bottom appeared skeptical.  He stood there looking at it wondering WHAT the Tezzel™ would feel like.  He touched it, tried it on the chair, and then handed it back to me with a shrug.  Once I demonstrated it on him, his preconceptions were  shattered.  In fact, preconceptions of subs should be systematically shattered as a matter-of-course.

I have an opportunity to use it again next week. This time, I won’t be giving the person a preview. It will be worked into the scene.

Overall, the Tezzel™’s efficacy is deceptive due to the appearance. It’s a beautiful toy.  I’m going to order one custom made for me.  I’m going to ask her to surprise me.

15% OFF TALES FROM THE WHIPPING POST by Nikita

Offer ends August 15, 2010

Purchase Tales From the Whipping Post with 15% off with coupon code BEACHREAD305

5 Incredibly Impractical Sexual Fetishes | Cracked.com

Check it out!

Getting cooked and eaten,Vorarephilia

4.  Ghost Fucking.  Yeah, you read it right.  It’s clinical name is Spectrophilia.

3.  Sex with Robots.  *pssst* No more cialis. Technosexualism  Could using a hitachi be considered Technosexual?

2.  Car fucking, Mechanophilia

1.  And finally, Giant fucking, aka macrophilia (Remember Deuce Bigelow?)

Thanks Wolffie, for digging this up. I had forgotten about it. This was in response to a question on switching roles in play and is just MY opinion.

“I think coping is directly related to how intense the play session was. However, your question infers there might be an imbalance in the power dynamics within the switch himself. That is something to consider. Having observed switches topping and bottoming at the same play party, it was not that easy for them to switch out because once they performed in a role, they were perceived to be only in that role. Therefore, more often than not, the dominant switches remained in control of themselves while submitting. i.e. not fully submitting.  Having been in that situation, it was difficult for me to just having participated in intense S/m, then turning around to administer some paddling, flogging, etc. It was too hard for me to focus on doing it properly and I stopped, handing the instruments over to someone who was in more control. I was flying too high to be doing any topping at that time.  In summary, observing the others, I noted they tended to stay in one role, thereby coping with only one set of feelings. Having been in the unique position of being on both sides of the paddle, I had to give up one in order to cope with being the other.”

copyright Nikita

Some of you may not know, but I tend to drive slow and it would take me 8 hours on a trip that usually takes 6.

The last trip was just . . . interesting. Let’s just say the worst part of the trip besides driving through 3 thunderstorms from Atlanta to Florida was stopping for a Subway Sub off an exit on I-65. It was somewhere between Cow Patty and the pig crossing 10 miles before the Georgiana exit.

The highlight would have been BamaSwitch standing on the side of the road thumbing for a ride. ‘-)

By then I had been driving 5 hours without a bite to eat and I had to fill up the tank with gas. There was a Burger King with a long line and a Subway Sub shop connected to the gas station where I filled up. Y’all know there’s a monopoly on gas station/Subway Sub stores, right? It’s the American Dream for the displaced Middle Easterners.

I’m not a fast food type of girl, but, in my mind, a sub was a healthier alternative to Burger King, plus there was no wait!

Little did I know.

The store had a country buffet in one corner, except there was no food, no staff, no lights. In the other corner, was a teeny tiny Middle Eastern woman who was shorter than me. I let 3 people go in front of me because I didn’t know what to order. All of it looked, bleh. I was starving, mind you. The sign said $5 for a foot long sandwich, so I figured hey, this is lunch and dinner.

Finally I ordered.

“Let’s see, a little ham, salami, lettuce, green pepper slices, no tomato, and little light mayo.

Then she threw on the bacon and cheese before she stuck it in the oven.

I said “NO BACON. Not on my sandwich.”

But it was too late. It was also the first time she looked at me. She stood with her arms akimbo with a blank look on her face that said “What?”

Meanwhile, her chaperon/gas station attendant/family member appeared from the gas station side. So what was I going to do?

I paid $8 for a $5 sub sandwich.

It was the second time she looked at me and I think she was expecting me to complain.

When I didn’t she said, “You added more things. I cut it the way you wanted, in three pieces. That’s all extras. That’s why it cost more.”

~Shrug~

I went out to the car, ate one piece of the sandwich and decided I needed to visit that bathroom before I got on the road again. It looked like a bombed out bathroom you’d find in Beirut anyway.

No toilet paper, no toilet seat, no soap. I always carry that antibacterial gel, so washing hands was not that much of a problem. But, my lily white ass and the toilet? Fik no! So I remembered why my girlfriends and I did in high school one mischievous afternoon. We peed standing up in the urinal. Not a pretty sight.

What would it hurt?

Snaps to anyone who finds an appropriate youtube music clip for this episode.

One of my moderators at MDS, Minofsin, posted a very provocative blog this evening about Dominants.   I’m posting it here because I really like it.  Sometimes I feel that being a dominant is sort of belonging to a really cool club with a bunch of cool people and everyone’s nodding that it’s all cool, except for those times when you just want to be.

Things Doms aren’t supposed to talk about.

by Minofsin

You don’t see many Dominants willing to discuss these things in public. One of the interesting things about the Roundtable program that is running here in Chicago and the MAsT meetings are the first times I have actually heard Dominants/Masters complain about the petty shit we aren’t supposed to mention anywhere else. Ok, maybe you hear complains, but it’s usually made in jest. But to hear other Dominants talk about their issues and their struggles not just with their relationships, but their own internal issues is refreshing.

We’re not alone.

But again, it’s not always what it’s cracked up to be. Don’t get me wrong, unless I was seriously forced to at gunpoint, I’d never give this lifestyle up. It completes me in a way few others do. But there are times when I want to pull out what little hair I have left and scream to the top of my lungs, “I’m tired of being a fucking Dominant.” Some days, I only want to deal with myself and nothing and no one else.

If saying that causes some to shake their head and think (because of course no one would have the balls to say it) that I am not a “twue Dom” or that I am a “wanna be Dom” (as a foolish and insipid former sub once referred to me) then so be it.

The reality is nothing is perfect. When I was reading that other blog I referenced earlier, it resonated with me on several levels. Because some of what she wrote has been told to me, personally. We all have off days and off moments when we doubt ourselves and what we are doing. It’s just the slaves and subs seem to be more honest and open about it.

While I have not had any such thoughts in a while, now and then it DOES happen. As I am learning, it’s natural. It’s part of the process. Even when I was happily married (for like those 5 or 6 days — LOL), there were times when I wanted to run away. I Love my son more than anything else on this planet, but there are times I’d like to drop kick his ass into the next garbage truck. Don’t even get me started on my mother.

As much pleasure as I get from all of this, from time to time it can be a bit much, and it is. Then, just as quickly as the frustration manifests, it goes away and the regularity of my life returns. Which is why I always say, don’t act out of anger. Because when that anger go away, the only thing you are left with is shit.

We build up these relationships to be some sort of Utopian vision of domestic bliss, when the reality is they are just like any other type of relationship. Yes, they are wonderful, but they can also make one’s ass itch. The itching, however, is temporary. But if it is consistent, then there are larger problems.

I think we all need to vent and purge now and then. I hope I don’t get kicked out of the Dom Club for saying any of this, but it needs to be said. Behind all the bravado and all the posturing is most likely a Dominant who sometimes gets just as frustrated as someone on the other end of it.

It’s called real life. Something I think many people could learn.