Some of you may not know, but I tend to drive slow and it would take me 8 hours on a trip that usually takes 6.

The last trip was just . . . interesting. Let’s just say the worst part of the trip besides driving through 3 thunderstorms from Atlanta to Florida was stopping for a Subway Sub off an exit on I-65. It was somewhere between Cow Patty and the pig crossing 10 miles before the Georgiana exit.

The highlight would have been BamaSwitch standing on the side of the road thumbing for a ride. ‘-)

By then I had been driving 5 hours without a bite to eat and I had to fill up the tank with gas. There was a Burger King with a long line and a Subway Sub shop connected to the gas station where I filled up. Y’all know there’s a monopoly on gas station/Subway Sub stores, right? It’s the American Dream for the displaced Middle Easterners.

I’m not a fast food type of girl, but, in my mind, a sub was a healthier alternative to Burger King, plus there was no wait!

Little did I know.

The store had a country buffet in one corner, except there was no food, no staff, no lights. In the other corner, was a teeny tiny Middle Eastern woman who was shorter than me. I let 3 people go in front of me because I didn’t know what to order. All of it looked, bleh. I was starving, mind you. The sign said $5 for a foot long sandwich, so I figured hey, this is lunch and dinner.

Finally I ordered.

“Let’s see, a little ham, salami, lettuce, green pepper slices, no tomato, and little light mayo.

Then she threw on the bacon and cheese before she stuck it in the oven.

I said “NO BACON. Not on my sandwich.”

But it was too late. It was also the first time she looked at me. She stood with her arms akimbo with a blank look on her face that said “What?”

Meanwhile, her chaperon/gas station attendant/family member appeared from the gas station side. So what was I going to do?

I paid $8 for a $5 sub sandwich.

It was the second time she looked at me and I think she was expecting me to complain.

When I didn’t she said, “You added more things. I cut it the way you wanted, in three pieces. That’s all extras. That’s why it cost more.”

~Shrug~

I went out to the car, ate one piece of the sandwich and decided I needed to visit that bathroom before I got on the road again. It looked like a bombed out bathroom you’d find in Beirut anyway.

No toilet paper, no toilet seat, no soap. I always carry that antibacterial gel, so washing hands was not that much of a problem. But, my lily white ass and the toilet? Fik no! So I remembered why my girlfriends and I did in high school one mischievous afternoon. We peed standing up in the urinal. Not a pretty sight.

What would it hurt?

Snaps to anyone who finds an appropriate youtube music clip for this episode.

Postcard from Venice – Travel Vlog

I loved California.  In June, I got an opportunity to tag along for a business trip to Santa Monica.  It was one of those days that was perfect, just perfect for a trip to Venice Beach.  Luckily, I had a little digital camera with video option.  The video quality is soooo poor, but dang, it recorded the sights, sounds, and outrageous characters that make up the boardwalk community.

Music by the Eagles.

1.  What was one of your obsessions between the ages of 8 and 15?  Exclusions:  masturbation and candy

Dirty novellas and spanking.

2.  If you have a fetish, when did you discover you had it and what was it?

Shoes.  When I was very little my mom made a big fuss over buying me the right pair of white patent leather maryjanes to wear with my first communion dress.

3.  What’s a new addition to your bucket list?  Traveling to some Asian countries like Vietnam, Japan, Thailand, etc.

your turn

1.  What was one of your obsessions between the ages of 8 and 15?  Exclusions:  masturbation and candy.

2.  If you have a fetish, when did you discover you had it and what was it?

3.  What’s a new addition to your bucket list?

Some of you may not know, but I drove 8 hours on a trip that usually takes 6. Nothing bad happened. Alexis had to guide me the last leg of the trip to my destination via cell phone.

It was just . . . interesting. Let’s just say the worst part of the trip besides driving through 3 thunderstorms from Atlanta to Florida was stopping for a Subway Sub off an exit on I-65. It was somewhere between Cow Patty and the pig crossing 10 miles before the Georgiana exit.

The highlight would have been BamaSwitch standing on the side of the road thumbing for a ride. ‘-)

By then I had been driving 5 hours without a bite to eat and I had to fill up the tank with gas. There was a Burger King with a long line and a Subway Sub shop connected to the gas station where I filled up. Y’all know there’s a monopoly on gas station/Subway Sub stores, right? It’s the American Dream for the displaced Middle Easterners.

I’m not a fast food type of girl, but, in my mind, a sub was a healthier alternative to Burger King, plus there was no wait!

Little did I know.

The store had a country buffet in one corner, except there was no food, no staff, no lights. In the other corner, was a teeny tiny Middle Eastern woman who was shorter than me. I let 3 people go in front of me because I didn’t know what to order. All of it looked, bleh. I was starving, mind you. The sign said $5 for a foot long sandwich, so I figured hey, this is lunch and dinner.

Finally I ordered.

“Let’s see, a little ham, salami, lettuce, green pepper slices, no tomato, and little light mayo.

Then she threw on the bacon and cheese before she stuck it in the oven.

I said “NO BACON. Not on my sandwich.”

But it was too late. It was also the first time she looked at me. She stood with her arms akimbo with a blank look on her face that said “What?”

Meanwhile, her chaperon/gas station attendant/family member appeared from the gas station side. So what was I going to do?

I paid $8 for a $5 sub sandwich.

It was the second time she looked at me and I think she was expecting me to complain.

When I didn’t she said, “You added more things. I cut it the way you wanted, in three pieces. That’s all extras. That’s why it cost more.”

~Shrug~

I went out to the car, ate one piece of the sandwich and decided I needed to visit that bathroom before I got on the road again. It looked like a bombed out bathroom you’d find in Beirut anyway.

No toilet paper, no toilet seat, no soap. I always carry that antibacterial gel, so washing hands was not that much of a problem. But, my lily white ass and the toilet? Fik no! So I remembered why my girlfriends and I did in high school one mischievous afternoon. We peed standing up in the urinal. Not a pretty sight.

What would it hurt?

Snaps to anyone who finds an appropriate youtube music clip for this episode.

We always rent a vehicle when we take a long road trip. With the economy being what it is, a lot of people seem to be doing that too. The price of renting vans and/or SUV’s are at an all time high. The best deal was on pickup trucks. We picked a BIG one, a Chevy Silverado. No problem. It was cool. I didn’t intend to drive it. Hubs always does. (pause) Not this time. I got left holding the keys. (gulp)

Give me a van, and I can tool around with the best of the soccer moms, but stick me in a big, four door pick up truck with a V8 and I’m a mess.

First of all, I’m too short. If I stand straight, tummy sucked in, shoulders back, I’m 5’4″. I should have put a pillow on the seat to see over the steering wheel. Still, it was okay. I added an inch to my vertebrae by stretching my neck.

I hate having to pull myself inside the cab by holding onto a handle. Sure the high heels help, but it’s hard to get a butt cheek on the seat no matter what I wear on the bottom. Come Monday morning, I have an appointment to see the doc about a pinched nerve on my right buttock.

The blonde spots, oops, the blind spots ARE dangerous! It’s embarrassing to struggle for 20 minutes to make a turn in a parking lot and realize it’s impossible! When I tried to back out, I just about hit four different cars! I was so frazzled I almost cried. I can’t go back to that restaurant ever again. They know my red hair.

On the upside, I didn’t have trouble with right of ways. ‘-D